


Universal Laws of Convergence

by mahadevi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, Chapter 401, Daichi's Not A Cop Because I Refuse To Write That, Haikyuu!! Manga Spoilers, M/M, Post-Time Skip, Sexual Humor, no sex but a lot of talk about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:41:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25236355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mahadevi/pseuds/mahadevi
Summary: This is all Hinata’s fault, Daichi decides somewhat hysterically. If Hinata hadn’t stopped to watch a random volleyball match in elementary school, then Daichi wouldn’t be holding a bag of frozen wontons to his face after getting nailed in the eye by Kuroo Tetsurou’s ballsack.Or; they may have gotten older but they certainly never got any smarter.
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Sawamura Daichi
Comments: 20
Kudos: 239





	Universal Laws of Convergence

The first thought that runs through Daichi’s head is _wow, that bedhead’s seriously indestructible._ The second thought is _okay what if you gagged me with your tie and then bent me over the nearest surface and fucked the brains out of my head ever considered that?_ The third, final and very faint thought that Daichi conjures up from the wave of explicit daydreams his mind immediately produces is _what kind of fucking luck is it to meet the catalyst of your very belated sexuality crisis just two days after you drink yourself into a stupor over it._

Daichi, twenty-three years old and a semi-functional member of society, compartmentalizes all of that and decides to unpack it another day. Out loud, he shouts an appropriately surprised and not at all panicked “Kuroo!” Like he’s not absolutely losing his god damn marbles and is instead simply pleasantly surprised to see an old friend.

He should’ve expected this. He _knew_ he would be meeting old friends here. It was Hinata’s first match back in the country, of course anyone and everyone who played high school level volleyball from the years 2012-2015 would be there. Hinata’s like those fucking sticky hands that Suga bulk ordered in their first year of university and threw at people who he felt had wronged him. They’re small and unassuming but they latch onto everything and contain the strength of a five hundred horsepower pick up truck. He’s like a god damn animal shelter of a human except instead of animals he adopts every sweaty emotionally stunted jock as his new best friend. 

Then again, Daichi’s no better. He has no right to talk when he was too focused on Hinata Shouyo to realize that Kuroo Tetsurou was an inevitable side effect of the whole shebang.

At least Kuroo looks just as surprised as Daichi feels. It’s pretty fucking funny, actually, the way he’s neatly pressed in that jet black suit but staring slack-jawed and bug-eyed at Daichi from across the hall. They always seem to meet like this, in hallways just too small, barely able to make eye-contact over the sprawling crowds.

_“Sawamura?”_ Kuroo blurts, stumbling a little closer. “Holy shit, dude.” 

He then proceeds to shoot the most awkward pair of finger guns that Daichi’s ever received in his life.

_I want your dick so far down my throat it makes a hole in my lungs_ Daichi thinks as he laughs and shoots finger guns back. “It’s been forever since I last saw you!” He says amicably.

Kuroo gives a little chuckle. “Same dude. Didn’t expect to see you here.” He pauses. Daichi raises an eyebrow.

“You didn’t?” He asks, somewhat disbelieving, mostly teasing. It seems to go over Kuroo’s head as his eyes somehow manage to widen even further.

“No! Y-yes?” He stammers. His ears are tinged red. “Well, I mean, I should’ve, y’know. Because it’s your kid and all?”

“My kid.” Daichi flatly replies. Neither of them have dropped the finger guns yet.

And then, as if God took one look at their conversation and cringed hard enough to birth a divine saviour to rescue them from finger gun purgatory, Bokuto Koutaro dive bombs the two of them with an incoherent shriek.

“Oh my god!!” Bokuto says at the top of his lungs, because his speaking voice is the average person’s bellow. “Holy shit!! You guys!!”

“Hi Bokuto.” Daichi and Kuroo say with a delighted sort of resignation. Bokuto crows with happiness.

“Aw man. Captain’s squad! Back together! At last! After six years!” He begins vibrating at a frequency that could possibly shatter glass.

“It’s been five.” Once again, with the exact same timing and the exact same tone.

“Holy shit!!” Bokuto repeats, before his face wipes perfectly blank of all emotion, eyes focused on something in the distance. He blinks once, and then bolts off like a rocket, squealing a very high and _very_ prolonged “TSUKKIIIIIIIII.”

“Oh _fuck.”_ Daichi can make out above the commotion, before a chorus of screams erupt in the distance.

He and Kuroo make eye contact for a moment, and then burst out laughing, hard enough that they clutch onto each other for stability and end up tumbling to the ground as a result.

“What is _with_ today’s match.” Daichi can hear a baffled spectator mumble, but Kuroo’s cackling into his ear and the joy burns too bright for him to care.

[!!!]

Weeks ago, when the match was first announced and their old semi-active group chat exploded with activity, everyone had bemoaned Kageyama’s extensive schedule preventing them from throwing a Karasuno reunion party the same day as the match. Well. Mostly everyone. Tsukishima doesn’t check the group chat and Kageyama himself was aggressively neutral on the topic and Ukai said it’d be weird for him to watch his kids get shit-faced, but Daichi was a little bummed.

But at this point in the night Kuroo’s taken off his tie and unbuttoned the top two buttons on his shirt and rolls up his sleeves and is chugging beer like his life depends on it, so Daichi’s not complaining anymore.

_Stop drooling. _Daichi’s mental Suga mutters admonishingly but gleefully wiggling his eyebrows. Kuroo tears his lips away from the mug with a satisfied gasp, running his tongue over his lower lip before flashing a toothy grin. Daichi’s eyes lock onto his canines with laser sharp accuracy and yeah, sorry Suga, that’s not happening any time soon. Is drinks alone with Kuroo detrimental to his health? Yeah. Is he doing it in the name of spank bank material? Yeah.__

__“Damn.” Daichi comments aloud, raising an eyebrow._ _

__“Sorry.” Kuroo grins easily. “Today was a nightmare.” He rolls his neck. It cracks six times. “I had to beg to be allowed to come out to Sendai for this and now I owe Yamada-kun a favour and he’s a fucking _creep_ and then there was a problem with the train and I found out like ten minutes ago that they didn’t book a hotel room for me tonight—“_ _

__Kuroo’s entire face twists and he picks up his mug again. Wordlessly, Daichi pushes his own glass across the table, unable to help his grin. “Don’t laugh asshole.” Kuroo mutters, voice echoing strangely as he speaks into the glass. “Yes I drink to cope. What of it.”_ _

__“I didn’t say anything!” Daichi laughs. “Never thought you’d be the businessman type. I always figured you were too… prickly.” He teases. Kuroo flips him off. “Though you look more like snake oil salesman than a JVA grunt.” He continues, and laughs harder when Kuroo furiously waves his middle finger, still drinking Daichi’s beer._ _

__“Oh yeah?” Kuroo jeers. “If we’re going by appearances then I’d say you’re some kind of…” he gives Daichi a very purposeful once over, tongue caught between his teeth, gaze burning with something heavy. Daichi blushes up to his ears and very carefully tries not to get hard. “Some kinda cop.”_ _

__Daichi’s jaw drops. _“No!”_ He splutters. “I’m a firefighter! What the fuck? Where did you even get cop from?”_ _

__Kuroo’s face goes blank. “Oh.” He says, sounding somewhat disappointed. “I dunno, you’ve always seemed like the cop type.”_ _

__Daichi’s not sure what kind of expression he’s making, but it prompts Kuroo to very hurriedly order another round and push both glasses across the table to Daichi. “So,” he tries as Daichi glowers at him over the glass rim. “Not a fan of cops?”_ _

__Daichi goes very still, then sighs, putting the glass back down on the table. “I was going to be one.” He admits, running his finger through the condensation left by the mug. “Did a year of the academy and everything. Was top of my class.”_ _

__Kuroo leans in. Almost imperceptibly. The soft orange glow of the lights overhead fill his eyes with pools of stars, scattered among the curiosity, the concern, the care. He says nothing, leaving the space for Daichi to fill on his own._ _

__Daichi swallows, his tongue thick in his mouth. “There was a gay guy in our year.” He starts, very slowly. “Kind of a prick, in all honesty, but he was honest and smart and quick on his feet. And he just started… getting shit. Started with ribbing and then one day I’m walking into the bathroom and finding him spitting blood into the sink.”_ _

__“Fuck.” Kuroo mutters. Daichi laughs dryly._ _

__“That’s not the worst of it. I fuckin’, I took it to the dean, the guy told me not to and I was like ‘it’d be fine, I’ll broach the issue without letting him know the victim or the reason!’ But the asshole—” for a moment, Daichi sees red, feels his blood burn, feels nothing but rage and righteous fury and _fear._ He drinks then, swallowing until his heart settles back to something resembling normal. He puts the glass back down. Watches the foam run down the sides. Tries to put his feelings into words that don’t have to be screamed out to make sense._ _

__“I didn’t like the answer I got.” He says with finality. “So I dropped out. Became a firefighter. It’s one thing to have shit classmates but when it’s shit to the fucking… to the fuckin’ core. That’s just. Shit.”_ _

__“I think you’ve had enough to drink.” Kuroo snickers, not unkindly, poking Daichi in the forehead. His eyes are soft, and his voice is unbelievably sincere when he says “I also think that you were really brave in doing that.”_ _

__The grin Daichi returns is a little more on the tired side. “Nah,” he says, embarrassed as all hell. “Just gay.”_ _

__Kuroo’s eyes widen just a fraction. Shit. _Shit.__ _

__“I didn’t know it then!” Daichi blurts. Oh fuck, damage control, he’s spent so long dealing with burning buildings come _on_ Sawamura, figure this shit out. “I just thought I was being a good ally and all, y’know, stand in solidarity and all that. Well. The guy being bullied just finished school and moved to a different prefecture so I wasn’t really standing with anyone so maybe I wasn’t an ally in the first place, not that I don’t support it! Like a week ago I had this dream and it was the first one where my dick wasn’t the only dick — not that I’m only into dick, I’m actually bi but like I kinda assumed you had a dick and it was in my mouth and I really liked it because.” Daichi wets his lips, and finishes very weakly “I’m gay. Bi. Shit.”_ _

__Kuroo opens his mouth, and then closes it, looking vaguely shell-shocked. “My dick?” He asks, faintly, sounding oddly flattered._ _

__Daichi reaches for his wallet. “So it’s been fun catching up,” He says, doing everything in his capacity to not make eye-contact. Kuroo makes a series of very panicked noises that are probably an attempt at words._ _

__“Don’t go.” He begs, hands hovering in the air, like he wants to catch Daichi’s sleeve but doesn’t know if he’d get decked for doing so. “It’s my birthday Daichi. Are you gonna make me drink alone in a strange city on my birthday? That’s not very poggers of you.”_ _

__Daichi blinks. “That’s not very _what_ of me?”_ _

__“Sorry.” Kuroo winces. “Prolonged exposure to greasy little gamer boys. You know how it is.”_ _

__“I really don’t.” Daichi says, half bemused, half tense, still not sure where they stand. There were. A _lot_ of problems with what he said just a few moments ago. But Kuroo hasn’t run away screaming, or started laughing, or done anything other than stare at him with that warmth in his eyes, somewhat awestruck, somewhat reverent. And, well, “it’s your birthday?”_ _

__Kuroo nods. “It’s been a load of shit so far.” He says, tongue darting out and wetting his lips. “You know. Train problem and hotel and all that. Meeting your kid was alright—“_ _

__“Not my kid.”_ _

__“Bullshit, and you know it, you’re distracting me, shut up I’m trying to be sentimental.” Kuroo snaps, blush slowly spreading across his face and up to his ears. “You’re the best gift I could ask for, okay?”_ _

__And all at once, Daichi bursts into laughter and burns bright red and feels warmth blossom in the pit of his stomach and bloom through his veins. “I’m touched.” He teases. “Your kindness knows no bounds.”_ _

__Kuroo’s ears are still bright red, but his smile gets sharper at the edges. “I didn’t forget about that comment of yours.” He leers, and it’s Daichi’s turn to turn into a tomato. “What was that? My dick in your mouth?”_ _

__“Shut up.” Daichi groans, burying his face in his palms. “You spent a whole summer grabbing my ass, of course it was going to be the subject of my repressed gay thoughts and their eventual reemergance.”_ _

__“I spent a summer grabbing your ass because I wanted to stick my tongue down your throat, Sawamura.” Kuroo says, exasperated and fond. “Do you think I go around doing that to everyone?”_ _

__Daichi gives him a flat look. “You grabbed Bokuto’s chest and told him that he had scrumptious titties.”_ _

___“Platonically.”_ Kuroo insists very sincerely, then shakes his head. “Y’know what, let’s start fresh. From square one.” He sticks his hand out, and says in what Daichi can only assume is his business voice, “Hi. My name’s Kuroo Tetsurou, but you can call me Tetsu. I just turned twenty-four years old, and I work for the Japanese Volleyball Association’s sports promotion division. My preferred method of execution is having my skull cracked open by your thighs.”_ _

__Daichi snorts. He’s probably never blushed this much in his life. “Nice to meet you Tetsu.” The syllables are familiar on his tongue. “My name’s Sawamura Daichi, you can call me whatever you like. I’m a twenty-three year old firefighter. I like dogs, volleyball, and being rawed by people who look like they’re at the top of a pyramid scheme.” He takes Tetsurou’s hand. They have matching callouses that fit, as snug as puzzle pieces._ _

__“Charmed.” Tetsurou grins. “What do you say we finish this round and get out of here.”_ _

__“It would be my pleasure.” Daichi lifts his glass and the foam is sent sloshing over the sides as they toast, snickering stupidly as they do._ _

____

[!!!]

Daichi’s had his fair share of emergency love hotel visits, and none of them were smooth sailing. Sure, _great_ sex most of the time, but the thing about going to a love hotel is that there’s a key middle step of human interaction with someone you don’t want to bang, and it kind of kills any and all momentum of the night. The best thing to do is crack a few jokes and try to get things going again.

The instant the door closes behind them and Daichi turns to talk, Tetsurou’s sticking his hands down the back of Daichi’s pants and shoving his tongue in down his throat. 

“Do you even know,” he mutters when he breaks away, leaving Daichi weak kneed and dizzy. “How fucking _good_ you look?” He catches Daichi’s lip between his teeth. Daichi fists his hands in Tetsurou’s hair in turn.

“Says the man with cufflinks.” He grits back and _pulls,_ grinning into Tetsurou’s mouth when a deep groan rumbles against his lips. “Smug city boy.”

“Country bumpkin.” Tetsurou breathes, and they lose themselves in the motion and movement of each other’s bodies. Daichi rolls his hips up and breathes out a stuttering whine as Tetsurou’s nails dig into the denim. “Clothes.” Tetsurou hisses. “Off, right now.”

“Keep yours on.” Daichi says without thinking. He doesn’t have to pull away to know what disgusting leer Tetsurou’s face has twisted into. “Don’t say a word.” He warns, nipping a little too hard as a warning.

“I’m not.” Tetsurou sing-songs, helping Daichi shuck his shirt off and throwing it somewhere across the room. “I just think you’re cute.” He pecks the tip of Daichi’s nose, and laughs at whatever unimpressed expression he receives.

“Disgusting.” Daichi huffs, punching him in the gut only somewhat gently. “You’re terrible.” He says, and then takes off his pants and underwear in one fell swoop, kicking them into a corner. He steps in for a kiss but Tetsurou catches his hips, holding him at a distance.

“Lemme look at you.” He murmurs, and Daichi feels heat spread in the way of Tetsurou’s gaze, like fire spreading across paper, flames licking their way across his skin and turning him to ash. “Fuck.” Tetsurou’s hands tighten. His callouses drag against tanned skin. “Fuck, you’re so hot, what the fuck, why do you have so many _muscles.”_

“Entry level requirements for firefighters include being able to lift two hundred pounds.” Daichi offers, and flushes when Tetsurou groans again. 

“Fuckin’ bench me Jesus Christ.” Tetsurou says, and the has the audacity to yelp when Daichi picks him up and throws him onto the bed. “What the fuck!”

“Tell me you didn’t like that.” Daichi challenges, and snorts when Tetsurou remains silent. “Fucker.” He says fondly and does his best to clamber on the bed sexily with his dick hanging heavy between his legs. Tetsurou seems to appreciate it, sitting up on his elbows, catching Daichi’s face in his palm. 

“In the two days since you’ve had your gay awakening have you sucked any cock?” He asks, running his thumb across Daichi’s lip.

“Fuck _off.”_

“Fair. We’ll go slow, okay?” His hand pauses, and then after a long moment of deliberation, he gives Daichi a little scritch under the chin, like he’s some kind of pet. Daichi bites at his fingers and Tetsurou laughs as he says “c’mere.”

Settling between Tetsurou’s legs, Daichi catches the zipper between his teeth, smile when he hears the sharp intake of breath. He tugs it down, slowly, purposefully, full of intent. He can’t stop himself from groaning when he finally pulls Tetsurou’s cock from its confines, sees it curve up and towards his stomach, hot and heavy in his grasp.

“Fuck.” He breathes, teeth barely catching the skin, ducking his head to kiss the base. Which occurs at the exact same moment Tetsurou’s hips violently jerk up and off the bed. Which, in turn, sends two delicate objects hurtling towards each other with a considerable amount of velocity.

They make contact and the world goes white.

“Fuck, oh my god, _ow_ holy shit, are you okay?” Tetsurou’s rambling, hands hovering anxiously over Daichi from where he’s crumpled into the mattress, hands cupped protectively around his eye. “Oh my god I am so sorry fuckin’ shit.”

“Are your _nuts_ okay?” Daichi hisses, not wanting to uncurl from his little ball of shame and agony. “Fuck, this is gonna bruise, how are you not in more pain than I am right now!”

“Fortitude.” Tetsurou says, like that makes any sense. “Shit lemme see.”

“I think your zipper hit me.” With little resistance Daichi lets his hands be pulled away, blearily looking up at Tetsurou through watery eyes. Tetsurou’s forehead begins to wrinkle. “Tetsu, seriously, I’ll be fine.”

“I’ll get some ice.” Tetsurou says resolutely.

“You really don’t have to.”

“I will.”

“It’s almost ten nothing’s going to be—“ the door clicks shut and Daichi sighs heavily. “…open.”

With one long groan, he flops back onto the bed, stark naked, eye still steadily watering. He didn’t even go soft. Fuckin’ hell.

[!!!]

"Okay. So.” Tetsurou says, stumbling into the room. The door hits the wall with a loud bag. Daichi jolts upright, now almost completely unable to see out of his still rapidly swelling eye. “They didn't have any frozen vegetables at the first convenience store, so I sprinted four blocks to the mart but they only had frozen wontons and I so I just bought them, they were fucking _expensive_ wontons too Jesus Christ talk about price gouging, but yeah, if you get some sort of eye yeast infection blame it on the limited selection of products at the Seiyu.”

Daichi looks up at him blearily. “Why didn’t you just ask the front desk for some ice?”

Tetsurou blinks. “Oh.” He says, and then stares at the grocery bag in his hands like it has all the answers. “Well,” he starts, leading into absolute silence as he fishes out the wontons and holds them out like some kind of offering.

This is all Hinata’s fault, Daichi decides somewhat hysterically. If Hinata hadn’t stopped to watch a random volleyball match in elementary school, then Daichi wouldn’t be holding a bag of frozen wontons to his face after getting nailed in the eye by Kuroo Tetsurou’s ballsack. 

He takes the bag and presses it to his face. “Thanks.” At least it feels kinda nice against his skin. 

Tetsurou settles onto the bed next to him. He doesn’t look too mad that Daichi’s put all his clothes back on at least. “Sorry.”

“At least you’re clean shaven.” He elbows Tetsurou in the side, missing because his right peripherals are somewhat compromised. “Imagine if I got ball hair stuck in my eye.”

Tetsurou makes a noise that’s somewhere between dying cat and birthing whale. “Listen, I completely understand if you never wanna talk to me ever again but can I at least get your instagram?” He says mournfully, with all the grief of a widow-to-be. “Or your snap? We don’t even have to do streaks.”

Daichi turns to him, the entire bag of wontons rustling as he does. “What?” He snickers, deteriorating into laughter when he catches sight of Tetsurou’s forlorn expression. “Oh my god, Tetsu, _babe.”_

Tetsurou doesn’t even have a witty reply, he just continues to give Daichi the same kicked puppy look, sending Daichi into further hysterics.

“Tetsu.” He gasps out once he’s finally reached a semblance of calm. “Tetsu, bad sex happens. I’ve had plenty of it. This isn’t even the worst injury I’ve sustained during sex which is not a story I’ll be telling now,” he quickly adds, quickly crushing the budding hope that was building in Tetsurou’s eyes. But he continues, fondly saying, “you’re not going to scare me away with a little black eye.”

He looks grateful and apologetic and humiliated all at once. “So you’re not going to put me on blast on reddit?” Tetsurou says, very tentatively. Daichi rolls his one working eye and pulls the moron into a kiss. Well, he attempts to for about five seconds before abandoning the bag of wontons with a muttered curse and doing it properly.

[!!!]

  
**chat name:**   
**_evidence of motive to use against akaashi in the case of udai tenma’s untimely death_**

 **big pharma:** guys i think im in love

 **wretched child:** im gonna start streaming in 10 make it quick 

**big pharma:** ugh fine

 **big pharma:** I met sawamura at shorty’s match and he’s a hot bisexual firefighter now and I accidentally put my ballsack directly on his eyeball but he thought it was endearing and we went back to tokyo together and he made me wontons AND sucked me off as a birthday present and now he’s fallen asleep with his head in my lap 

**wretched child:** what

 **an empty shell of a man:** that’s. certainly a lot to take in

 **boss baby:** YOU WENT DRINKING WITH DAICHI WITHOUT ME

 **an empty shell of a man:** bokuto-san that’s not really the major problem here

 **boss baby:** IT STILL HURTS B R O 

**big pharma:** OHHHHHH HE WOKE UP AND ASKED ME TO KISS HIS EYE BETTER GUYS GUYS G U Y S

 **boss baby:** give him a kiss from me!!!

 **an empty shell of a man:** bokuto-san,

 **wretched child:** WHAT.

**Author's Note:**

> furudate this is all ur fucking FAULT  
> kurodai has been my #2 haikyuu ship since 2016 but im only writing fic for them now . the finger guns man.....  
> [my twitter :D](https://twitter.com/KAMONORITOSHI)


End file.
